Our Open Agreement
Whether you are in the very beginning stages of considering opening up your relationship or you're a seasoned open relationship guru, Our Open Agreement can be an invaluable tool to enhancing your relationship.
With a Masters in Counseling Psychology, experience working as a psychotherapist with couples in various configurations, as well as my own 25+ years of direct personal experience with open relationships, I have created an easy to use template that will bring depth and clarity to your decisions around opening your relationship.
You will not only have the benefit of a clear road map but will also have a tangible end-product that you can utilize as an ongoing reminder of the Open Agreement commitment you have created together.
Free Time-Limited Agreement
I'm so confident that these tools will benefit you that I've made my Time-Limited Agreements guide and document available for free. Once you get a taste for how it all works, come back for more!
You will notice that some of these documents are geared towards either “poly” type relationships and “swinger” type relationships. This is simply used as a shorthand to reference the much larger groups and communities that make up ethical non-monogamy. When referring to “poly”, I simply mean situations in which relationships are intended to be established, while “swinger” refers more to situations that focus more on sexual play and connections rather than committed relationships.
There are several different documents available to help you create a robust open relationship agreement. Each one provides an easy to follow framework for making decisions as well as a guide for how to fill out the document and questions to consider when writing your answers.
This package includes all of the below documents in one convenient download!
Considerations Regarding Children
Sexual Activity Agreements
Time Spent With Others ("poly" and "swinger" versions)
This document helps create an overall framework for your open agreements, including deciding together on specific definitions and language used. As our boundaries are often put to the test only through experience, this document will help you put in place procedures for contingency reviews of the open agreements. In addition, the document will ask you questions about unexpected feelings and confidentiality.
These agreements are geared more toward poly-type relationships though can certainly be used in a flexible manner to address any kind of new connection outside of an established relationship(s). The primary focus of this document is to establish guidelines for how, when, and with whom new relationships can be established.
This document helps guide you through the process of deciding on both the spirit and logistics of communication (and confidentiality) around any children that are connected with those making these open agreements.
These agreements are geared more toward poly-type relationships. However, if you are in a swinger-type relationship and you maintain social contact outside of playing, you may also find this agreement document useful.
This document helps you describe the amount and quality of time that can be spent with external partners. You will also have the opportunity to consider circumstances for when time with an external partner may be broken or reserved for specific scenarios.
When you're ready to play, it's helpful to have some ground rules about when and how to establish connection with others. These agreements look at who, when, and where encounters might occur.
A few books to get you started on reviewing the basics of what polyamory and responsible non-monogamy actually is, as well as different opinions on how to go about doing it.
The classic guide to love, sex, and intimacy beyond the limits of conventional monogamy has been fully updated to reflect today’s modern attitudes and the latest information on nontraditional relationships.
“One of the most useful relationship books you could ever read, no matter what your lifestyle choices. It’s chock-full of great information about communication, jealousy, asking for what you want, and maintaining a relationship with integrity.”—Annie Sprinkle, PhD, sexologist and author of Dr. Sprinkle’s Spectacular Sex
Relationship expert and bestselling author Tristan Taormino offers a bold new strategy for creating loving, lasting relationships. Drawing on in-depth interviews with over a hundred women and men, Opening Up explores the real-life benefits and challenges of all styles of open relationships -- from partnered non-monogamy to solo polyamory. With her refreshingly down-to-earth style and sharp wit, Taormino offers solutions for making an open relationship work, including tips on dealing with jealousy, negotiating boundaries, finding community, parenting and time management. Opening Up will change the way you think about intimacy.
A counselor and nurse specializing in polyamorous singles, couples and groupings, Kathy Labriola has spent many years helping people to understand and manage their jealousy. This book is a compendium of the techniques and exercises she has developed, as well as tips and insights from the polyamory community's top educators, therapists and authors.
These accessible, simple techniques are designed to be easily implemented in the event of an intense jealousy crisis. They are even more useful if undertaken over a period of time before a jealousy crisis happens, to build a skill set that will be at hand to help managing jealousy when and if it does occur.
Organizations & Websites
Places on the web where you can find up-to-date and growing collections of information about open relationships.
Loving More (Including the Loving More magazine, first printed in 1984!)
Polyamorous Percolutions (Poly in the news and media!)
Couple Doing It: Friendly Swinger Advice and Resources
Conferences & Workshops
Get to know others on a similar journey of opening relationships and enjoy the benefits of in-person feedback.
Support, Coaching, and Therapy
Places to find more specialized and focused support with people who are knowledgeable and competent in working with open relationships.